gutted

Okay, but why was this movie marketed as just a standard sad gay love story. I was expecting a tedious breakup and languishing sex scenes. I was not expected to be emotionally gutted by a whole slew of existential questions of family, loneliness, and queerness. I decided to see this movie spontaneously and alone on my trip to Amsterdam and when I say that I left that theater gutted, it's an understatement. I was still crying when I walked out and walked back to my hotel in a haze. It was truly a beautiful movie and the fabulist aspects reminded me so much of Céline Sciamma's 2021 film Petite Maman. They would make such a tender and emotionally debilitating double feature. 

If you haven't seen the film stop here. Below are spoilers: two parts from the script that I found the most emotionally raw and couldn't stop thinking about. Of course, the way that Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal play these moments is even more heartbreaking, but finding the scenes seemed too hard. 

Just the phrase "over the edge" to mean what he means here--it really resonated with me. Kind of the perfect explanation of queer time in real life and not as a theoretical concept. 

And gosh that final line from Harry and the way that Paul Mescal delivers it. I think I'm still haunted by it. Again, was just really not expecting this meditation on loneliness and futurity. Even though I might not relate to the specifics of their lives and relationships, some of these feelings just felt so familiar. I listened to the Pop Culture Happy Hour episode and was surprised to hear some of the critics admit to not entirely loving this film. It was definitely too sad; I'm not sure I could every watch it again. But I did think it was an incredible film, both in the way that the fabulist elements unfolded without being gimmicky and in the layers of emotional depth that I think resonate with a lot of different people for a lot of different reasons while still being very rooted in the specific experiences and historical contexts of the characters. I also watched Aftersun with Paul Mescal a few months ago and--I just--is Paul Mescal okay? Because those are some heavy things to film in the past few years. I had a hard time just watching these films, I can't imagine fully inhabiting the characters.