feminist rage

Last week I taught Valerie Solanas's SCUM Manifesto, one of the most visceral examples of feminist rage that I know of. I was pretty nervous about teaching it for obvious reasons, like her use of slurs and genocidal language, but also because it's hard to teach something that can neither be wholly glorified nor entirely dismissed. But the more I read and prepped for class, the more that Solanas's rage felt palpable and relatable. When I expressed my anxiety about this class to a friend, her immediate response was: "Oh I bet that will be so cathartic right now, talking about feminist rage." So, I decided to have the students take a moment to write down everything that was making them angry, upset, hurt right now. They didn't have to share anything, but it seemed valuable for us all to sit with our anger. And to begin our discussion of the SCUM manifesto from the same kind of place from which it was written. Even if we aren't all calling for Solanas's level of misandry, I think that all of us can relate to her tone and emotion, her anger and helplessness and her imperative need for something to change. I'd like to say that this was a magical, ingenious moment of teaching, but in reality it was kind of an awkward moment in class. I didn't want to make students share their rage, but then it didn't end up feeling quite so cathartic. It didn't seem like the students felt the same sense of urgency to express their rage as I did. Maybe they have more outlets than I do. But I've found myself waffling between rage and depression, and honestly reading all of these feminist manifestos about consciousness raising and the power of self-expression, even the importance of writing specifically, I still feel the need to acknowledge and write down my rage. Maybe one day I will be the kind of teacher that can successfully create a space where we collectively and cathartically express our rage, but for now I share mine here: 

I am infuriated that my tax dollars are funding a genocide in Palestine. 

I am angry that every morning I wake up to the most horrific videos of children being beheaded and left orphaned and starved to death and yet we as a global society continue to let it happen. 

I am even more angry that my other option is to look away, that sometimes in order to continue with daily life I have to look away. 

I am so upset that our two options for president are unethical men that seem uninterested in representing their constituents. 

I am fully irate that even while so-called "democratic governments" are choosing to fund and support this genocide while so many people of privilege ignore what is happening, there are still other atrocities happening in other places (Congo, Haiti, probably other places I don't even know about) that even more people are ignoring because how do we fight all of this at once (and also because of racism). 

I am endlessly enraged (though not surprised) at the hypocrisy of academic institutions that will require diversity statements and commitments to social justice when they hire you and then call the police on you when you actually do said social justice. 

...academic institutions that will defend against censorship while avoiding certain topics and being careful with what language is being used. 

...academic institutions that continue to place undue labor expectations on underpaid, non-permanent positions like postdocs and visiting professorships and lecturers and adjuncts.

...academic institutions that expect you to sacrifice and "pay your dues" early in your career without any real promise for job stability in return. 

...academic institutions that expect you to move to a completely new place, teach new classes, adjust to a new environment for only one year of guaranteed employment. 

...academic institutions that suggest housing options that they aren't paying you enough to afford. 

...academics (like me) who want so much to continue this work that they'll put up with all of this and more. 

I am royally pissed off about landlords that make a profit off of other people's living space. 

...landlords that make a profit off of other people's living space while also requiring an application and fee to even find out information about the listing. 

...landlords that require your salary to be 3x the amount of rent, which disqualifies so many people from the majority of available rentals. 

I am truly exasperated that AI is everywhere and that as a teacher I have to now either surveil student work or create assignments that avoid the chance of AI plagiarism altogether. 

I am so mad that AI (among other things) has turned the internet into a capitalist hellscape where everything is monetized and now a bad imitation of itself. 

I am so incredibly angry that I'm too sad and angry to engage in the things (reading, writing, creating art, exploring nature, showing love to my family and friends) that bring more joy into the world. 

I am full of rage at the inescapability of my own complicity in violence and death--the laptop I write this from exists because someone else was killed or displaced from their homeland. 

I am so flipping mad that so many people are so mad at the thought of a woman in a larger body being desired. 

I am really fucking ticked off that we continue to lay off and defund positive expressions of artistic expression and community that make people's lives better (RIP Nerdette) while there seems to be plenty of money for things that only make people's lives worse like the police and war and political campaigns and companies that manufacture weapons. 

I am so sad/angry that I feel disconnected from so many people around me because they aren't as angry about all of these things as I am. What are they doing with their anger? How do they not feel it? If they do feel it, where does it go?